Cologne

For those who may not often have the opportunity to wear a motorbike helmet, especially in the rain an important thing to know is that in the rain the visors can steam up making it difficult to see. To get around this various companies make a sort of double glazing insert which keeps the visor steam free. The company that makes the helmet i bought supply a clear insert, but since i can't see anything in bright light i bought a dark insert which isn't really legal in the UK, unless on a race track.

Since the weather has been fantastic for the last few days i decide to fit the dark insert to the visor before i head off, so that i've got less strain on my eyes. The weather is reasonably warm but a bit cloudy as i leave Linz. As i'm sure you are expecting by now as soon as i get into Germany it starts to rain, then it starts to pour, then it starts to bucket. All day. The visor didn't steam up once, but it was kinda dark and i wasn't for stopping to dig out the clear visor since you usually have to dismantle part of the helmet to fit it.

The autobahn was quieter which was a blessing, and the speed was lower due to the rain, but the authorities seemed to be catching up on roadworks with long sections for miles and miles. At one point there was also a convoy of military trucks and humvees, which looked like German army to me, though i didn't know they had humvees. Lovely mobile roadblock for about two miles though.

When i started the bike in Linz it would only idle at 3,000rpm rather than the normal 1,000 rpm or so. Not a good sign, but it doesn't matter that much on an autobahn day, other than when stopping to fill up with fuel or eat. When i did stop, the bike became more difficult to manage at low revs, then engine was very jerky when on and off the throttle, though the idle had died down to the point where i felt i had to crank it back up so the bike wouldn't stall. As the day went on and the bike got wetter it also started to misfire badly when on the throttle, just hiccups now and then, getting more powerful as the day went on. Not enough to make you think the engine was going to seize and that you were going to go over the bars, but enough to remind you that you could. It also started to backfire badly when rolling off the throttle, making it a nightmare in the heavy traffic and nose to tail slogs through the roadworks. I did think about pulling over for the day but i'd booked a hotel in Cologne and there was no guarantee that tomorrow would be a better day so i figured i'd keep running while the bike worked.

The hotel i'd booked was a Holiday Inn about two miles from the centre of Cologne, near the motorway on the West side of the city. All i had to do was find the correct junction and the rest would be easy. Unfortunately when i finally got to Cologne i perhaps missed the exit for the ring road because i seemed to be heading around in the wrong direction. Things then got worse when the traffic slowed to a standstill, the bike at this point was horrible to ride, any throttle position seemed to elicit and hiccup, boom or bang along with the normal snarling from the exhaust. I could now even hear the engine over the exhaust which was new, so i diverted onto the only free flowing exit i could find, which was taking me the wrong way.

By this time i was soaked through, hungry and tired, so i planned to stop at the next opportunity and figure out how to get back to where i needed to be. I found a little rest stop at the side of the autobahn, which was just a parking place with some toilets, but it was all i needed since i could get off the bike for a bit. When i got stopped there were a few cars around but i couldn't see anyone. The rain seemed to be stopping so i figured i'd hang around for a while, drying out and working out my new route, but i couldn't find my German map so that was going to be tricky. I did remember i have a gps with me, but the mapping is mostly set up for Turkey and on east, but it did confirm that i was heading in the wrong direction.

Despite me having used the toilet i still hadn't seen anyone around, then when i was back at the bike some guys appeared and got into the cars and left. By now i had decided to break my golden rule about asking for directions, but the only folk i could ask had just disappeared. A couple of other cars came in, but didn't hang around and no-one got out, so i didn't bother them. I guess i did provide some amusement standing there like a drowned rat holding a gps under the shelter as a few of them stared at me for a bit before they left. By this time i'm so far gone with the weather and the ride i'm just staring blankly back at them.

A little while later once the rain had gone off one of the cars which had been here earlier came back. I'm thinking great, maybe this guy has a map, or maybe he's lost too. I wander over as he gets out of the car and start of as usual by asking if he speaks English. Like a lot of Europeans he says only a little, but that little is easily good enough to make himself understood, i guess he just lacks a bit of confidence with the language, which seems common amongst folk i've met. So i start off saying i'm looking for a hotel i'd booked for the evening buy i'm a bit lost. He counters with "Are you looking tonight for a party?"

Click. I suddenly understand what else this place is used for.

What two (or more) grown men choose to do in the privacy of a gents disabled toilets at a rest stop on the German autobahn is entirely their own business as far as i'm concerned, plus i still need directions.

He sees my sudden comprehension and just decides to give me the directions i need. I jump back on the bike and head off thinking this day can't get much worse. I make the u-turn as instructed but the expected bridge isn't there, just a spaghetti junction, so i choose one branch at random that seemed to be heading in the direction i need. It takes me into the city, but the river is on the wrong side of me based on what the guy just told me, so i stop at a Novotel to ask for more directions, but by this time i'm even worse for wear, but i wander in, smile and say i'm lost and i'm looking for a Holiday Inn, i've booked can you help? The receptionist is very helpful and looks it up on the internet, but it turns out there is more than one Holiday Inn, which is it? I can't remember but i do remember from the map that it's to the north of a small park. on the west of the city. She then confidently takes a map and marks our current location and where the hotel i'm looking for is on it. A guy waiting behind me agrees and says it's only 3km away, so i set off again thinking finally a shower.

When i get to the place indicated i can't see any Holiday Inn. The cross the girl has drawn is fairly huge though so i wander around for 15 minutes or so looking for it, but all i can find is a Park Inn, so i think they mixed up what i meant about a Holiday Inn near a park. I phone a friend back in Austria who look sit up on the internet and confirms that i'm in the wrong place and i need to go through the city and out the other side. I'm now struggling, everything feels heavy and sore and the bike is running worse than before even with the rain off. I get it near where i think i'm going and dump it in a street doing the last part on foot. I've got a map now so i know where i am but i still can't see any hotel. I wander to the road my friend had mentioned but i still can't see anything. So i wander all over the park area i'm in looking for the hotel.

Still nothing but by now my clothes have actually got dry due to the amount of time i've spent wandering, except where i've been sweating so they are getting wet on the inside now. I really should have learned the German for "I apologise for smelling like a bear's armpit". In a final attempt (i hope) i ask a random woman if there is a hotel nearby, she's not sure but maybe to the right. I set off again, but find only another Park Inn, they must be popular here. In the end i wander back into the city and find an internet place and look it up, well first i look up the name of it from my booking, then i look it up. It turns out i'm in the wrong park area and i've still got two miles to go.

I set off for the bike again, by now i'm struggling just as much as it is, and i couldn't find it. I don't think it's been stolen, more i can't remember where i left it. I remember the name Bismarck so i wander along that street looking up and down all the side streets until i find it and set off again. By now it's dark so i need to ride with my visor up since it has the dark insert in, but that at least keeps me awake. I ride for about three miles through city and parks and out the other side along the road i'm sure the hotel is on, but i can't find it, so i pull over and park before i fall off. It's only when i stop that i see the hotel about 50metres along on the right. I'm so relieved i almost collapse, but manage to get into reception, wandering right into a wedding party looking like the thing dragged from the lagoon.

I finally get the key around 11pm despite me leaving Linz around 9am, and i figure i've been looking for the hotel for about four hours. I ask about wifi but since it's 7euros for an hour i don't bother, but by now the receptionist has warmed up and either wants to practice his English or is just bored so he asks if i want to know anything about tourist sights, No, anything about onward travel, No, breakfast, No, facilities a the hotel, No. Finally he senses i'm about to hit him with my helmet and backs off. I get up to the room and dump my helmet and jacket and realise i need some fluids so i'll go to the petrol station next door then get my luggage from the bike and just crash rather than going to the bar where the wedding folks are still going strong. The petrol station is a result since i now need fuel again and one tank should get me all the way home from here, but when i'm in buying fluids i realise the bike key is upstairs in my jacket meaning i have to go up and down again. By the time get back and shower it's midnight, but now i'm wired and i can't sleep so i watch TV until about 2am.



I'm back out the hotel at about 7am heading for a cathedral that allegedly contains the remains of the three wise men and was the only building in the city not flattened during the second world war. As ever it's hidden in a pedestrian precinct so although you can see it from far away it sneaks up on you when you get close. There was a mass going on in a side chapel when i arrive, but the place is so huge you would barely notice.

That was about all i managed to see in the city as i had to get back and check out for the final run to Bruges. I felt ok, and i'd looked at the available accomodation in Bruges but didn't book anything since i didn't think the bike would make it, so i wanted to head off early for the final 300kms run.